So now, not only am I inadequate for being a stay-at-home mother but I also "don't know what real stress is" because I only care for one child. Let me start over--
I read a
blog post via a friend's Facebook today. I could really relate to it. I didn't necessarily agree with every single word she said, but I also realized that it was written from her perspective and the thoughts she shared were based on her own experiences. That is often what blog posts consist of. Remember old school, hand-written diaries and journals? Remember how personal they were and what someone wrote in them would often be based on their own experiences? Well a blog is like that (a lot of the time), only it's digital and instead of locking it up it can be shared with people all over the world. So back to that post...
The author is stay-at-home mom. Instead of going to a job outside of the home, she stays at home to take care of the kids and keep up with the day to day running of the household. Her children are her "employers". She doesn't get paid, but in turn she does not have to pay for childcare. Her husband goes to work and comes home to help out with the kids, spend time with his family, and probably do more work (whether it be job related or something around the house). There are many pros and cons to this situation, but ultimately this is what works best for her family. I'm in a similar position. While I'm currently looking for part-time work and have worked part-time in the past, I have primarily been a stay-at-home mom to my son Calvin for all of his 17 months. My husband, Charlie, has been the one to work full-time in order to pay the bills and provide for our family. It's not always an ideal situation, but after careful consideration and weighing our options, this is how we chose to live our lives. Ultimately it comes down to the fact that it just works for us. At least for now.
As I was nearing the end of the post, I was debating with myself. "Should I read the comments or just steer clear of the possible rage reading them might bring?" I'm sure you can make a good guess as to what choice I made since I'm here writing up my own blog entry. The further down in the comments section I read, the angrier I got. So many people were taking offense to what Mrs. King wrote. They were taking it personally as if she was making a generalization about every family with no room for differences. Then there were comments to the comments. Men were upset because she only mentioned being a stay-at-home mom. Men were also upset because they assumed that she meant that all men came home after work and kicked back to relax rather than help with dinner or the kids. Working parents were mad because she didn't mention the sacrifices they make or the moments they miss. Aunts, uncles, same sex couples, grandparents-anyone and everyone was offended because their specific situation wasn't mentioned. By the time I stopped myself from reading anymore ridiculous comments all I could really think was that I'm a bad person for wanting to stay home with my son. I'm also a bad person because I'm not a man. I'm lazy because I only have one kid and don't rush to the door with slippers and a paper in hand when my husband gets home from work. WHAT?! And it's not just this particular blog that can make me think those things. Every single day we are judging others and making assumptions based on little to no context. We make snide comments because we don't agree with someone else's choices or we obviously know better. We get angry and say mean things to one another simply because we can.
Stop it. Just stop it! All of you. Take a step back from the keyboard. Deep breath in...and out. Better? Good, pressing on. Your neighbor's life is completely different from yours. His or her family has a very unique history. That person living halfway across the world that you just yelled at because they are raising their child in way that is contrary to everything you know is from a different culture. That family with 6 kids? They aren't doing anything wrong, they're just doing what works best for them. And that is the point- do what is best for you and your family. That's all you have to do. Leave everyone else be. There is enough negativity in this world already. We don't need to be at each other's throats because each of our families have varying ways of doing things.
On my very best day, I still wonder if I'm getting this whole parenting thing right. I always question myself and the choices I make for my family. But at the end of that same day, I put my son to bed and I am certain I'm on the right track. Things might not be perfect, but we're doing the best we can and that's pretty fantastic. I honestly believe that's all you can do. Do your best. Strive to be the best you can be and don't worry about keeping up with the Joneses. And please stop yelling at the Joneses for sharing their personal experiences.
Elle
PS I know this was long-winded. If you made it this far, thank you very much for reading.
